


Resilience

by Skullszeyes



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Comfort, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loneliness, Mages, Mental Breakdown, Nonbinary Character, Self-Hatred, Suicide Idealization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-05 00:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17314958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skullszeyes/pseuds/Skullszeyes
Summary: Cole tries to heal a pain filled with childhood neglect.





	Resilience

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. So, I suffer from a mental illness, and I like to write about my issues through fanfiction because I think it's cathartic. I went through childhood neglect which isn't exactly new for a lot of people, and it followed me into my adult life. I blame my parents and as an adult, I'm trying to move past that, and find some comfort in my writing. :/ Maybe that's why I write so many, different stories, different fandoms, all of it to find a type of comfort for my pain.
> 
> That being said, this story didn't exactly come out the way I wanted, but it's alright, I guess. :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Comments and/or Kudo's are appreciative.

He sensed something painful that was close by. He wasn’t entirely sure, but the camp wasn’t moving until tomorrow evening, so he decided to venture out in the woods by himself. He had his daggers with him, and knew if he found himself in a rather precarious situation, he’ll be able to hold his ground. 

This time, however, was different from the usual danger. He was following a pressure in his chest, a need to go deep into the woods where he knew someone needed his help. It was all he could think of. He was getting closer, he knew he was, and he smelled a sweet scent of berries and brisk wind of a river close by. 

He pushed a branch away as he stepped into tall grass, and he heard it, potent and thin as glass. Someone close by was crying, and the pain was pins and needles, or possibly more painful than that. Something unforgettable that resonated with him. 

He spotted a figure sitting by the river, their knees tucked against their chest, and their arms wrapped around their knees. They were rocking back and forth, chanting to themselves. There’s no sign of blood, no wounds marred their skin, but they’re in excruciating pain. There’s a rise of emotional neglect in each breath they take, a knife drawn against fragile skin. Their wound never mended, always open, since the time they were a child to the moment they became an adult. 

He stepped past the river, and came to their side. They hadn’t noticed his presence, and he sat down, the words became more pronounced.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” they whispered to themselves, but the comforting words were pulling the pain into knots within their chest, and the salty tears trailed from their tightly closed eyes, dripping from their chin. 

“Is it okay?” he asked. 

They gasped, raising their head and their shoulders tensed. “H-How...who are you? What are you doing here?” 

Cole glimpsed red tear stained eyes, and they wiped their face of the evidence, but it’s there, a mark of emptiness trying to fill itself up. Fear twined around their pain, smothering it. 

“I’m Cole,” he introduced. “I felt your pain from afar, heard it, and was drawn towards it.” 

He could feel their walls drawing around them, pulling inward. “I...It was nothing. I’m having a bad day. That’s all.” They sniffled, sucking in a trembling breath, but even as they tried to relax their body, the pain pulsed in time with their beating heart. 

Cole swallowed the lump in his throat and said, “Your pain is so loud like harsh waves against the shore, sharp as knives, an emptiness carved deep in memory and thought.”

They went still, staring at the river sparkling from the sun, lily pads, and the flowers thriving on the edges. They wiped away another tear. “Why are you here?”

“I want to help, to always help the hurt, like you, but your pain is rooted, thorns covering it on all sides. An endless pain from childhood to adulthood.”

Shaking their head, their fingers dug into their knees. “I’m not sure of what you mean.”

Cole turns to them, “I know what you have suffered, that it was unfair for your mother to neglect you, that she gave you food and shelter, but love was never part of it. A child, unnurtured, never able to grow even as your body did.” He reached for their hand, “I know you come here to be alone, to consider drowning because it’s your preferred method to die, not from Tranquility or even the Templar's. On your own terms, it was your escape, the small act of rebellion that was not magic in your veins.”

They kept their eyes on the river. “Wouldn’t it be better?” they asked, voice growing heavy, “To die, I mean, so what I’ve done and haven’t done would become nothing. No one cares for someone like me, I’m no one in this world. I don’t want to go to the Circle, or even die by the hands of Templar's.” 

“It’s not the Circle, or even the Templar's you fear,” Cole said, turning his entire body towards them, “it’s the realization that you’ll be nothing, that the fears you have been given will pull you down, and you’ll be similar to your parents. The mother who did not love you, and the father who left you.”

He wanted to carefully pull free the knot that winded around their heart, the thorns were too close, the self-hatred too sharp. He was afraid that his connection would break, that they’d be too hurt to contain his words. 

“Maybe I’m not fit for this world,” they whispered, placing their chin on top of their knees, “maybe drowning is better than living.”

“Everyone must always come up to breathe, and not everyone wants to sink and be forgotten in the waves,” Cole said, “I’ve wanted to do something different when he was in the Circle, when they forgot him in the cell, but all I could do was stay with him because that’s what he wanted. Someone to stay by his side.”

“Will you stay with me?” they asked.

“I will stay with you,” Cole told them, “once I know you’re able to stand by yourself.” 

They sucked in a shuddered breath and Cole let them lean against him as they cried once more. The pain is too deep, too knotted, but he comforted them, and the knot loosened, not fully pulled free from the thorns. He talked to them about their magic, and the loneliness they felt, and he told them they were resilient for surviving themselves for so long. 

“Will I be able to survive longer?” they asked, wiping away their tears. 

“You will be,” Cole encouraged, “I know you can, you’ve protected your siblings from the Templar's, from thieves and killers. You can protect with either a dagger or magic, you have done so many times that, however, small or large, had spared your siblings the grief and pain. It’ll take time to come up to breathe, but eventually you will.”

They looked at him peculiarly, smiling, “You’re strange.”

He nodded, quirking a small smile in return. “And you’re strong to be able to live with your pain, but you’re also able to overcome it. Don’t forget that, because not many can.”

He did not fully loosen the knots within their body, but he was able to push back those thorns from leaving anymore wounds. He stayed with them a bit longer before rising and walking away. They won’t forget him, not right away, but he left something upon their heart, a comfort that they needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write the character without a gender because I'm actually nonbinary/agender, and I've been thinking that I should write more stories with that type of character. Of course, in the story, it wasn't specified because this story isn't about what gender they're going by, but about their feelings (and mostly me trying to comfort myself by writing a character with Cole). And maybe some people just want some comfort and saying 'he' or 'she' feels strange. (Also, I'm still trying to figure out how to write an agender ch, sounds weird, but I want to know how to do this correctly.)
> 
> Cole's my favorite character, I was drawn to him quite quickly, and while playing the game, I actually panicked about his story line cause I wanted to keep him as a spirit so he can remember the original Cole, but as a spirit, he would forget him, and as a human, he wouldn't be the way he was as a spirit. So I was conflicted and stopped playing. :/ I'm quite indecisive.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Comments and/or Kudo's are appreciative.


End file.
